


Adventures in Midgard

by snack_size



Series: Adventures in Midgard [1]
Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Avengers Merchandise, Bromance, Erotic Cakes, First Time, Gen, M/M, Shopping Trip, Special RPF Guest Appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-03
Updated: 2012-07-05
Packaged: 2017-11-09 02:11:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/450106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snack_size/pseuds/snack_size
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Well, look at you two!” Tony said - of course he was going to show up, he’d probably been creepily watching them the entire time on video and then planning the exact moment to intercept in order to say something...less than positive about their plans. “Where are you headed out on such a nice morning?”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“We are going to explore New York City,” Thor said. “I have been told it is one of the finest cities in Midgard, so it seems a good place for me to begin learning about my adopted realm.” </i>
</p><p>Steve and Thor explore New York City with Tony's credit card in hand. Later, Steve and Thor explore each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Steve stared at the remote - or, what he was reasonably sure was the television remote. His introduction to Tony’s multi-media system had been a bit of a whirlwind, and Steve wasn’t entirely sure if Tony had been telling him the truth about the features. He would have stayed away from the thing, on his own - he hated not being able to do things which were, for everyone accustomed to them, intuitive - but Clint had told him he had recorded a bunch of movies from the 1930s and 1940s for Steve on the DVR. He had been headed out the door with Natasha at the time, off to deal with SHIELD bureaucracy and paperwork for the day, and so Steve had just thanked him and looked at the book he was reading. A movie would be a nice diversion, he thought.

 _Foolishly,_ he amended now, and sighed.

“Aye, that is indeed a diabolical instrument,” Thor said, and Steve startled - Thor was, usually, the Avenger least likely to sneak up on you. “It makes me prefer...magic if this is the result of technology.” 

Steve nodded. Thor had only arrived two days ago on the roof of the Tower when an abrupt thunderstorm swept in. He had landed with cat-like grace, both knees bent with one arm to the ground and the other raising Mjolnir up to the sky. “Now that,” Tony said, to no one in particular, “is how you make an entrance.” 

“Good thing you can’t control weather systems,” Natasha muttered.

“Yet,” Tony said, raising an eyebrow. 

“I was hoping to watch a movie,” Steve said. “Clint was nice enough to record a bunch from when I was-” he was about to say younger, but that wasn’t accurate - even though a large swath of time had passed, for him, it was maybe three or four years. He shrugged, not able to find a word that really encapsulated the situation. 

Thor stretched his legs onto the coffee table. “I bid good luck to the Hawk and Widow as they left,” he said. “I offered my assistance, but they said it was unnecessary.” He arched an eyebrow at Steve.

“Well, we’re Avengers, and they are too - but they’re also SHIELD agents, and so there’s separate duties. I guess like you’re prince, in Asgard, but also here-”

“Ah, I see,” Thor said. “And Tony and Bruce are scientists - that is what they are doing now, I presume?”

Steve rubbed his forehead - he had decided, after the last time he had visited the lab and watched the two of them blow up a completely innocent houseplant _for science!_ that he was just going to presume whatever they were doing was important and to leave them to it. “Yes,” he said.

“And so we are the only two Avengers who do not have occupations in this realm,” Thor said. Steve nodded. “Well, I am glad to see I am not the only one who is stricken with a lack of purpose,” Thor said, and he clapped Steve on the shoulder. “Now that I am better settled into my quarters, I would very much like to explore this City, and this realm. It would seem you would make an ideal companion.” He smiled at Steve. 

Steve agreed, and even if he hadn’t - it would be very difficult to say no to that smile. “Sure,” he said. “I grew up here, but a lot has changed, so I’m not-”

“Fear not,” Thor said, and from somewhere in his armor he extracted a StarkPhone. “The Lady Pepper told me that I must only dial here, and she will arrange for my transportation back to the tower if I get lost.” 

“You know how to work that?” Steve asked - this was a potential blow to his self esteem.

“Hardly!” Thor said, “But the Lady Pepper has made it so I merely have to press this small green button to alert her. It is a bit tricky, admittedly, for the phone is made for the much smaller Midgardian fingers...” He shrugged his shoulders. 

Steve glanced down at his own phone - he had the misfortunate of having Clint try and give him an orientation to it. “Well, that’s good, then.” He paused, hoping that he wouldn’t offend Thor. “Do you have...well, something a little less...Thor? I mean, some Migardian clothes to wear?” 

“My attire is inappropriate for our adventure?” 

“Well, it’s sort of...a lot of people know about us, since we saved the city. We might not get far, with all of the people recognizing you and-”

“Ah, I see,” Thor said. “There is an array of clothing in my closet - perhaps you can advise what would be best?” Steve nodded.

Steve had Thor dress in a pair of dark wash jeans - that were a bit too tight, but then, everything in Thor’s closet seemed to be the correct size, so was it on purpose? They certainly showed off his...posterior. For a shirt, he grabbed a light green button down, and Thor slipped into a pair of loafers. “My hair may be regarded as distinctive,” Thor said, looking at himself in his mirror with clear amusement on his face. “Perhaps I should restrain it?” Steve shrugged his shoulders, and wasn’t entirely sure what to think when Thor got a rubber band from the bathroom. 

They stopped at Steve’s room to grab his wallet, then went to the elevators. “Well, look at you two!” Tony said - of course he was going to show up, he’d probably been creepily watching them the entire time on video and then planning the exact moment to intercept in order to say something...less than positive about their plans. “Where are you headed out on such a nice morning?”

“We are going to explore New York City,” Thor said. “I have been told it is one of the finest cities in Midgard, so it seems a good place for me to begin learning about my adopted realm.” 

Tony wrinkled his nose - he seemed to be repulsed by earnest communication, like a vampire to garlic. “Just the two of you?” They both nodded. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his own wallet. “Well, look - you two crazy kids have fun. Here’s my card.” He handed Steve a credit card that was an absurd silver color and appeared to have a piece of real gold in it. “Go wild! If you can figure out how to use it.” 

He laughed, and then got into the elevator as Steve tucked the card into his wallet. Thor turned to him with a frown, and waited for the door to close before saying, “Does he take us for Jotunns? Are those cards not the most common form of currency in your realm?” 

“Pretty much,” Steve said.

“Tony is also one of the wealthiest, is he not?” Thor asked. Steve nodded. “Excellent. Then we shall do exactly as he says, and _go wild._ ”

“I don’t know I’m if comfortable-”

Thor clapped Steve on the shoulder, though in a gentle manner. “Steve. This will ensure he does not underestimate us - at least in this regard, for surely he find some other jape to amuse himself - again.” 

“Ah,” Steve said. “OK, then.” 

* * * * 

“Do you have anything you desire to accomplish on our trip?” Thor asked, as they strode out into the city.

“No, well...I don’t think so,” Steve said. “Tony’s really provided everything I might need-”

“Yes, he is a most generous and considerate person,” Thor replied. “Yet his attitude is contradictory.” Thor furrowed his brow. “He is a very complicated person.” 

“Yes,” Steve said - because he definitely agreed, and didn’t have anything else to offer. Thor had summed things up rather succinctly. 

“You said Tony has provided what you need - but what about what you want?” Thor asked, and there was a slyness to his smile that was infectious. 

“Well. I’d like to get some more art supplies,” Steve said.

“You are an artist?” Thor asked.

“Well, I wouldn’t say...I mean, I was going to art school, before...the serum, and Captain America. I drew, a lot, when I was in the field, but I’m not, like, professional or anything...”

“So you are an artist,” Thor replied. “You produce art.”

“OK, sure,” Steve said. “If that’s your definition.” 

Steve had decided they should walk uptown, towards Central Park and away from the areas still recovering from the battle. Since Thor seemed interested in shopping, so he decided to head to Fifth Avenue and walk up from there. “The myriad things available from these merchants is overwhelming,” Thor said, glancing around. 

“Tell me about it,” Steve replied. 

“Look at the multitude of colors available there,” Thor said, pointing at a store whose name was rendered in Japanese characters - Uniqlo, it seemed. Steve followed as Thor walked in, eyes wide - and Steve could appreciate the organization of things. Various clothing items were arranged by color, and each was lined up next to its corresponding rainbow hue and stacked across shelves almost two stories high. It was like opening a new box of colored pencils. 

“Hello,” said a young woman. 

“Hello, young shopkeep,” Thor said. “We are searching for men’s items.” The worker raised her eyebrows and smiled at them. 

“Just take the elevator up,” she said, and eyed both of them up in a way that Steve really was not used to - Thor was Thor, after all, and getting a similar approving glance was still something fairly foreign to him. 

Thor wandered around, lips pressed together, and then finally settled on a shirt made in sweatshirt material that had a hood attached to it. “What is this?” he asked, pointing to Steve.

“I don’t know - a sweatshirt, I guess,” Steve replied. Thor stuck his hand inside of it. “With a hood. And zipper?” 

“Feel this, Steve. It is most soft, and comfortable,” he said, thrusting the sweatshirt at him. Steve raised his eyebrows before he placed a hand inside, and he nodded in agreement, though he wasn’t as overwhelmed by it as Thor. Though he could understand why the demigod was entranced by it - if his, and Loki’s, clothing were any indication, Asgardian fashion was not designed for comfort.

“Pray, what is this garment called?” Thor asked another store clerk.

“Uhm. A hoodie?” he said. He gave both of them a suspicious look. 

“What is the largest size you have available?” Thor asked. “My companion and I wish to try one on. Steve - while you look good in blue and red, I would like to see you in this grey.” He held up a light grey hoodie while picking a red one for himself. 

As they walked around, Steve couldn’t help but notice that they were drawing attention from both the employees and customers. Thor’s booming voice didn’t help, nor did the amount of items he was heaping onto Steve to carry.

“Ah! Undergarments,” he said. “The ones I have been supplied with are quite roomy. I prefer a garment that provides more support for my genitals.” Steve’s eyes widened at this - first, because...Thor’s genitals. Second, because from what he had seen yesterday at breakfast - everything - he hadn’t thought Thor wore undergarments, generally. _OK, then, looks like we’re having naked breakfasts!_ Tony said, and had reached for his shirt before Bruce slapped his hand. 

Thor had turned to look at all of them in their clothing or pajamas. _I must apologize,_ he said. _In Asgard, it is customary that while in our dwellings we might walk around unclothed if it suits us._ Clint had shrugged his shoulders, glancing at Thor’s...genitals, but Tony had shook his head. 

_At least not in the kitchen, Thor,_ Bruce said, before Tony could open his mouth. _I know you’re pretty indestructible, and all, but when you’re cooking you really don’t want to worry about cutting yourself, or setting yourself on fire, or..._ He shrugged his shoulders.

 _Ah, an excellent point, Bruce,_ Thor said, nodding his head. _I am accustomed to my meals being prepared for me and had not taken this into account._

“Maybe we should try these on,” Steve said, since it seemed their admirers was quite interested in learning more about Thor’s genitals - not that Steve could blame them. He turned back and looked at the small crowd, quirking an eyebrow, and an employee stepped forward to lead them to the dressing room. 

Thor pronounced the hoodie glorious, and ended up buying one in four different colors for himself, and insisted that Steve get one as well. Thor also bought several t-shirts and a multitude of what a giggling female employee termed boxer briefs for himself and Steve - “Trust me, Steve,” he said as they cashed out, “you will find these garments are far preferable for your active lifestyle!”

Thor put on a navy blue hoodie as soon as they exited the shop, and made a contented sighing sound that Steve had never thought he would hear come from Thor. “Onward!” he said. 

* * * *

“I require sustenance,” Thor said, about ten feet from the store. “And look, a purveyor of the tiny cakes women in this realm find so amusing.” Steve looked up into a window display full of cupcakes and a line that was almost entirely full of women. 

“I think because of their small size?” Steve said. 

“Ridiculous,” said Thor. “A woman should embrace indulgences.” He winked - winked! - at Steve, and then strode in. “All of these look wonderfully indulgent,” he said, getting down on his knees so he could look into the bakery case.

“You’re looking for something indulgent?” asked the clerk.

“Verily,” said Thor. “Something suitable for my companion and I.” 

“Follow me,” she said, and Thor grinned as he stood up. Steve could only follow, not entirely sure what to expect - he knew that women got free drinks in bars. Was this a similar principle? 

“Ah! How wondrous!” Thor said, as the walked into a smaller room in the back of the bakery. There was another display case, this one full of-

Steve blushed as Thor kneeled down again, this time pressing his nose to the glass. “I was not aware men in this realm were so well endowed.”

“I don’t think that’s sized to life,” the clerk said. She looked at Steve, noticed his deep flush - because, really? It had come to this? Cakes shaped genitals? Was there ever going to be a point in this day when genitalia weren’t involved? Or was that just a side effect of spending time with Thor?

“Steve and I will take four of your bosom cakes, please,” Thor said. “And do you sell warm beverages?”

“Coffee, tea-”

“We will have two coffees,” Thor said. 

The clerk nodded, and Thor handed over Tony’s credit card. He pointed out a table for Steve to sit at, and Steve complied. The clerk brought over the coffees, and then the breast shaped cupcakes, each topped with an erect pink nipple. “They are beautiful, are they not?” Thor asked. 

“I suppose so,” Steve replied.

“Ah,” Thor said. “Are you not attracted to breasts?” 

Steve did a slight spit take, but managed to get to a napkin rather than sputter on his chin. “Ugh...yes?” he managed, and Thor cocked his head slightly and ate half the breast cupcake. A bit of frosting from the nipple attached itself to his nose. He smiled at Steve. “You have some, uhm...nipple?” Steve said, and bit at his lip, because he had really wanted to say frosting.

“Where?” Thor asked, and Steve pointed to his own nose. Thor frowned, and then wiped his finger across his nose and then put it in his mouth. And sucked on it. Steve exhaled. “This nipple is most satisfactory,” he said. “It tastes of vanilla. Do you not want your breast, Steve?” 

Steve was hungry - Steve was always hungry, with his metabolism, and the child that had grown up in the depression began to make noises about how he was debating throwing out two perfectly good cupcakes. “Yes, I do - I mean, the cupcake, I’ll eat it,” he said.

Thor was grinning at him, and it occurred to Steve that he was...not entirely serious. Trying to fool with Steve, and not in the way that Tony did - because he could - but in order to learn more about him. Steve wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He decided it was best to be relieved that Thor hadn’t bought them the miniature cocks. He took a large bite out of his cupcake.

“Oh, mmm,” he said. “It’s really good.” 

“The cake is of the highest quality,” Thor said. “We should stop by on our way back and by something for Tony. I am sure he would appreciate many of these designs.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Behold, Steve!” Thor said, gesturing at Saks Fifth Avenue. “This appears to be a store which trades in luxury. Much as I love this hooo-deee, I am also in need of items befitting a prince.” 

“So we’re really going to, ugh, go wild?” Steve asked. It was a moral - or was it ethical? Possibly both - dilemna. He knew, objectively, Tony had more money than most nations. But he felt bad spending it, since he hadn’t really done anything for Tony besides lounge around his tower and eat his snack foods. 

“Steve, I understand the quandary that you are in,” Thor said. “But Tony strikes me as the sort of person who does not learn by someone speaking to him, but rather through observing the actions of others. You and I are strong, capable, honorable men yet he takes us for comedy fodder.” _We did just eat breast shaped cupcakes,_ Steve thought, but he just nodded. “All we need to say to him is that we followed his instructions upon learning how to use his _magical silver plastic rectangle_ and...” 

Steve blinked, several times. Not that he had ever taken Thor for dumb - he understood that the demigod’s issues were primarily a more acute version of Steve’s own - but he hadn’t realized that he was such an astute observer of Midgardian behavior. Perhaps they weren’t so different from the people of Asgard, after all. Or, at least, Tony wasn’t. “We could buy him something?” Steve suggested.

“Ah, an excellent idea!” Thor said, and clapped him on the shoulder again before walking into the store. 

Steve had never been in Saks, and immediately felt out of place - it was like when he and Bucky would go to the shop on the corner and Mr. Wracynski would glare at them because he knew that the two of them didn’t have the money to afford the penny candy, let alone the comic books they wanted to look at. “This appears to be mostly women’s - maybe you could get something for Jane?” 

Thor’s brow furrowed at this, and he shook his head. “The Lady Jane and I have parted ways,” he said.

“Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t - I-”

“Steve, you do not have to apologize. There was no way you could have known,” Thor said. They walked through cosmetics and found themselves in a room that instantly gave Steve a headache from all of the intermingling perfumes - it was one of the few times, since the serum, when he experienced something that recalled his old allergies. 

“Would you gentlemen like a sample of the new Burberry Brit?” A woman asked. 

“Is is customary for men in this...city to wear perfumes?” Thor asked Steve.

“I think they’re called cologne,” Steve replied. The clerk took this for an affirmative and sprayed two cards with the cologne.

“That’s correct,” she said. “Where are you from?” 

“Denmark,” Steve said, and Thor nodded. Steve had been there, briefly, during the war and remembered that the people were very tall, very blonde, and spoke very good English for Europe at the time - so he only imagined that had improved, since then.

“Oh, I should have guessed,” she replied. She passed the cards to them. Steve sneezed. “Let me know if you have any questions.” Thor nodded at her.

“Denmark?” he asked Steve, as they headed for the escalator and the men’s floor. 

“It’s in Scandinavia - lots of Vikings,” Steve said.

“Ah! The Danes,” Thor said, and a wistful smile crossed his face. “A truly fierce, warlike people. An excellent choice, Steve!” 

They browsed the men’s section for awhile, with Steve picking a few items for himself - a soft cashmere sweater in a light blue that Thor insisted he try on, a lightweight rain jacket, and a pair of loafers because Thor’s looked a lot better than the worn sneakers he was wearing. Thor had several more items, and as they were considering blazers a woman approached them. “Would you like any assistance?” she asked. “My name is Camilla.” 

“Why yes, Lady Camilla,” Thor said. “I am attempting to purchase one of these jackets, but in a casual style. And my friend and I are interested in the sets you have, over there-”

“Suits?” Camilla asked.

“We are?” Steve asked.

“We are,” said Thor. “I was told that they are what one wears for formal occasions and Coul-son indicated we would have to attend one soon.”

“We are?” Steve asked, grimacing - no one had mentioned this to him. Though, why would they? Everyone knew that he would be a dutiful little boy scout and go along with it and be nice to all of the old women who wanted to talk to him - because they always did, for some reason - and be guaranteed not to do anything embarrassing. 

“And, last, we are searching for a gift for our good friend, one of those _men who has everything._ ” 

Camilla gave them a slow, predatory smile that Steve would later understand when the boxes arrived from Saks later that evening and Clint said, _well, someone got a huge fucking commission off of you two._ “I can help you with all of those things,” she said. 

The suit process took more time than Steve would have liked, and it didn’t help that Camilla and another assistant, Tad, were there to fawn over Steve and Thor every time they emerged in something. At some point, when they were changing, Tad said, _What I would not give to have the two of them take me home!_ It took Steve a moment, before he realized that Tad thought that he and Thor were - which, OK, they were two men who were shopping together. Maybe you didn’t do that, nowadays. Steve didn’t think they were behaving like a couple - maybe this was just wish fulfillment, on Tad’s part.

They both ended up with two suits, three dress shirts, and four ties, in addition to Steve’s sweater, jacket, and Thor’s blazer and two sweaters. Camilla had it all packaged up for them, and Steve had to run a good distance away when Thor checked out. “Where is it being sent to?” she asked, and Steve gave the address. “You live in Stark Tower?” 

“Yes, Lady Camilla,” Thor said.

“I didn’t realize it was open for residential-”

“I don’t believe it’s, ugh, been put on the market yet...” Steve said, though she regarded them suspiciously. “About that gift - for our friend?” 

She took them back to men’s accessories, where Thor instantly became fascinated by cufflinks. “Look, Steve! Hammers,” he said, pointing. 

“Oh, hey,” Steve replied. “Look at that.” He was amazed at the wide variety of styles available - monkeys, guns, tigers heads and even mini-bottle caps were available. As the sales clerk got the hammers out for Thor, Steve let his eye drift around the display and then stopped when he saw several cufflinks in a special display. One pair was red and gold patterned with a small, blue gem inlaid in the center. The pair next to it were unmistakably his shield, and then another pair was green, set in silver, with the silver appearing to be shredded by the green. Next to that was black and purple, with an arrow symbol on it, and a last pair was red and blue with a silver hammer symbol on it. _Fuck me,_ he thought. 

“Those are very popular,” Camilla said. “They’re our Avengers cufflinks.” 

“Really?” Thor asked. “I must see these!” Steve face palmed - there was no way...

“All of the proceeds are being split between the fund to rebuild New York and the fund for victims health care and surviving relatives,” Camilla said. 

“We will have one of each,” Thor said. “And these tiny hammers.” 

These, they took with them, and as they went down the escalator Thor said, “Do you think the Lady Natasha will be upset that there are none for her?” 

“Oh,” Steve said. “Well, women don’t wear cufflinks - they’re just for men's suits?” 

“We should get a gift, nevertheless,” Thor said. “What do women in this realm like? What is an appropriate item for us to buy her?” 

“You’re asking me?” Steve asked. Thor nodded, and Steve shook his head.

“It matters not! There are certainly numerous women of Natasha’s age available for us to survey,” Thor said, and Steve inhaled as he followed him over towards a bored looking, incredibly thin store clerk who kind of rolled her eyes at them. 

“Pray,” Thor said. “What would be an appropriate gift for our-”

“Co-worker,” Steve interjected. 

“Uhm...what does she like, like, to wear?” the clerk asked. 

“Her clothing is typically black, and skin tight, though it is important for her to have room for her various knives, guns, lock-picks and poisons,” Thor replied. Steve bit his lip and laughed, slightly. 

“Ooook...” the clerk said, turned, and walked in the other direction.

Thor furrowed his brow. “That was very rude,” he said. “I do not believe any Midgardian has treated me in such a way when they were not under some kind of orders to do so.” He seemed genuinely puzzled, and hurt by this, and Steve didn’t have the heart to tell Thor that some of the people in his adopted realm were sort-of or mostly assholes. 

So, instead, he said, “Why don’t you call Pepper? Her number’s in your phone, right?” 

“An excellent idea!” Thor said, and he pressed a few buttons and then put the phone to his ear. It was almost comically small in his hand. 

“Hello, Lady Pepper! No, I am not lost, thank you for your concern. Steve and I are out on an excursion in the city and are at the Saks of Fifth Avenue store. We have found gifts for all of our male teammates, but are unsure what to purchase the Lady Natasha...” he paused, presumably as Pepper asked something. “Why, yes, Tony gave us his platinum card.” Another pause, during which Thor looked thoughtful. “Very well! Thank you for your kind advice! What size does she wear? And yourself?” Thor got the answer, and then put the phone back in his pocket.

He smiled at Steve. “The Lady Pepper said that all women enjoy shoes, and that as we have Tony’s card should purchase her and Natasha a pair of Low-boo-tons*. To the shoe section!” 

* * * * *

“I am looking for a pair of casual, yet comfortable shoes that are easy to clean when soiled,” Thor told the clerk at the shoe store, whose name was Ed and who, Steve was fairly certain, either a) knew exactly who they were or b) wanted to do things to Thor that lurked on the dark, strange parts of the Internet that Natasha had warned Steve about.

“What are you going to be doing in these shoes?” Ed asked.

“A myriad of tasks,” Thor said, looking thoughtful. Steve was watching this play out from a distance - he was primarily interested in the sneakers. He had been excited to see that Chuck Taylors were still manufactured and had a classic black pair in his hand. “Cooking, much of which may be messy-”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit,” Steve called over. He had been attempting to teach Thor to cook. He figured after the other man had broke almost an entire carton of eggs as they attempted to make omelets - not realizing his own strength in relation to the fragility of the eggs - that Thor could do with some positive reinforcement.

“You have obviously not butchered a hog,” Thor replied, and smiled at Ed. Steve decided it was best to just push that aside so he could feign ignorance when the eventual hog-butchering took case and Tony flipped his shit over it. “I am certain there will also be experiments and their resulting messes and, potentially...” he leaned in, attempting to approximate an indoor voice, “...blood.” 

“Uh-huh,” said Ed, and, from his smile, it now appeared certain it was option B, “well, in all of those instances, these are the shoes for you.” 

“Abominations!” Thor said, using his God of Thunder voice.

Steve whirled. Ed had taken several steps back, and was holding a pair of plastic shoe-shaped things in his hand. Thor had another pair and wiggled them in Steve’s direction. “What are those?” Steve asked.

“Crocs,” said Ed. “They’re incredibly popular - they clean up easily, and-”

Steve furrowed his brow - well, his whole face, really - at the plastic shoes with the holes in them. He was pretty sure that Bruce had a purple pair that he wore when he was in his own lab. Steve had been skeptical of them then, too.

“Surely these are a joke,” Thor said, and Steve pointed to the display behind him, where an entire wall was covered in a rainbow a colors - and, for whatever reason, it was nowhere near as soothing as the other color-coded retail space they had encountered that day. “People inflict these on their children?” 

“You know what?” Steve said, taking Thor by the arm, “I think we’re just going to get these sneakers and...yeah. Thanks,” he said to Tom. 

* * * * *

After the shoe shopping incident it was decided that further sustenance was needed, and so they stopped for some of the incredibly large pretzels from a sidewalk vendor. “I believe I see an artist’s store, Steve,” Thor said, and they ate as they walked. Steve was disappointed to see that it was just an outpost of the MOMA store - he had been to the museum proper last week, with Pepper. 

“Thanks though, for keeping an eye out,” he said, and then he noticed that they were at Rockefeller Center. He led Thor over to where the skating rank was located in the winter. 

“It is what was does for a shield brother - fellow warrior,” Thor said, and Steve sensed that he had corrected himself - though Steve was unsure what was wrong about the first noun applying to them. “I must say, Captain, it is most unusual for me to not be in charge of a group of warriors.”

“Oh,” Steve said. He hadn’t really thought of this - and he really should have, at least some point after the battle for New York. “Well, I mean, it’s only been one...I don’t _have_ to be in charge, and besides, Tony suggested that I-”

Thor put a hand on his shoulder, and this time the touch was slow and he held on for an extended period of time. Steve felt himself shiver and hoped that the other man did not notice. “Captain, do not speak such nonsense. I would not presume to command in a realm so different from my own, with people so different from my own.” 

“It’s not like I’m that familiar-” 

“Perhaps not with this century, but there is something about you that transcends this and commands respect,” Thor said. Steve felt a blush coming on and looked down and stared at his pretzel. It had been awhile since he had had two embarrassing reactions in such a short period of time. “Besides,” Thor added, this time definitely sensing that Steve was uncomfortable, “I understand that royalty has not commanded armies for many centuries.”

“Well, at least in the West,” Steve said.

“Anyone can become a leader in your Army?” 

“Uhm...well, I think it’s a little different now than during the war,” Steve said. “Now, you need to go to officer’s school or have a college degree but, well, I mean, yes. If you have those, anyone can.” Thor nodded, considering this. 

“And so you are chosen because of your own merit?” he asked.

Steve was about to tell the whole story, but decided it was for another day - it was certainly more complicated than what Thor was asking. “Yes,” he said. 

“You were chosen because, as I said, there was a quality that commands respect,” Thor said, “as well as a knowledge of battle techniques. In Asgard, it was always presumed I would lead. Yet there had been many, in the...past, and in the other realms, who were royalty but who were undeserving. Yet they were allowed to lead the people in folly. I always had to be aware of this, and to be sure that I was not being followed out of fear.” 

“No, I mean, even with...promotions, I still - I met plenty of officers who used fear, rather than...I mean, with the Howling Commandos - they were my unit, in the war - each of them, they all had their own skills and their own knowledge. So I always listened, and, so long as we had time, I would explain my decisions. If we didn’t, well, I guess they trust me from how I did it in the past.” He thought of Bucky, then, and frowned. Bucky had trusted him - and where had that got him? 

“Trust,” Thor said. “Yes. That is what I strove to achieve from my warriors.” He finished his pretzel and looked over at Steve. “I’m sorry, have I offended-”

“No, I was just...” Steve looked down at the napkin he had crumpled his hand without realizing it. “My best friend was in the Commandos with me - Bucky. We grew up together, he was my friend even when I was...nothing-”

“I find it hard to believe you were ever nothing,” Thor interrupted.

“Well, when I wasn’t Captain America,” Steve said, feeling a blush rise again. “He died. He fell off of a train - he followed me onto it, he was following my lead...and he died.” 

This time, Thor wrapped an arm around Steve’s shoulder - it made Steve wonder if all Asgardians were this tactile, or just Thor. Loki, after all, had struck him as the sort of person who needed a few more hugs as a child. “No matter what anyone tells you, it is always painful when you lose a...companion,” Thor said. 

They sat like this for a minute, perhaps two, and Steve found himself slowly moving on from Bucky to how comfortable Thor was, and then feeling bad for thinking about how comfortable Thor was, because he was trying to - well, to comfort Steve. So comfortable was appropriate, except Steve wasn’t exactly thinking of Thor in the comforting kind of context, so-

“Steve,” Thor said, removing his arm and pointing to a sign that was a few yards from them. “There is an observation tower in this building where we will have a view of much of the city. Would you like to join me?” 

_Well played, Thor,_ Steve thought - though he supposed that, after thousands of years living as royalty in an alien realm, you probably learned how the whole routine worked. “Sure,” he said. “That would be...swell.” 

“Excellent!” Thor said. They went inside to the building - home, it seemed, to the NBC Network - and paid their admission fee to the observation deck. Then went through the security checkpoint and then into an exhibit. Steve grinned, pointing out the pictures to Thor that were from the thirties and forties. He also highlighted the pictures of the Christmas tree and skating rink.

“Do you have ice skating in Asgard?” he asked - or, did they even have winter in Asgard, seeing as how the Frost Giants lived in another realm?

Thor squinted at the picture and shook his head. “No,” he replied. “This is a fun activity?” Steve made a mental note that they were going to have to take Thor ice skating when they got the chance - although, knowing Tony, if he saw even a shred of potential amusement in the idea, he’d just put a rink in on the ground floor of the tower. 

“Yes,” Steve said. “It was one of the few things I could...do.” He glanced down, and then smiled. “Should we go?”

“Yes,” Thor replied. “Let us ascend!” 

They got into the elevator with several other people, including a family with young children and a younger couple. As the ride began, Steve caught the male in the couple looking at Steve and Thor, and then frowning, and then looking at them again. Eventually, he pulled out his phone. They were off the elevator by the time he got confirmation - or not, Steve hoped - as to his hunch, and Steve did his best to guide Thor away from the couple. Getting recognized in public brought him back to his USO Show days, and while he didn’t mind protecting and serving and whatever else, he also wanted to be able to do things - touristy things, apparently - without getting stopped every other minute and being asked to perform.

Tony had laughed at him when he had expressed this after getting recognized at their local grocery store the other day. _Why do you think I drive everywhere?_ he asked. _Wait until it gets to the point where they start taking pictures of you and writing rumors - Captain America’s bump watch!_ Then he laughed, though, as with many of his jokes, Steve was not sure why. 

They sat at the first observation level to take in the view when the couple approached them. Steve smiled. “I am really sorry, sir and ugh - I mean, you are Captain-”

“Yes,” Steve said.

“I am Thor,” Thor said, and he stood. The guy in the couple beamed and his girlfriend gave Steve what appeared to be an apologetic look. Thor, who, Steve supposed, was more used to this as royalty and all, pumped the guy’s hand and smiled at him. 

“I just really wanted to thank you for...well, saving the city,” the guy said. “And our lives, I guess. We actually live here - we’ve never been up here, and after all that, I said, Mel, we should go out more, you know, appreciate things...and so, thanks?” 

Well, that wasn’t so bad, Steve thought. “Please, there’s no need - it was our duty.”

“Could I get a picture?” the guy asked, and the girlfriend rolled her eyes.

“I’ll take it,” Mel said.

“You don’t want to be in it?” he asked.

“Craig - I’m sure they just want to, you know, look at all the buildings like everyone else,” she said.

“It is fine, fair maiden,” Thor said. “I am happy to pose for a picture with your consort.” Mel blushed at this, and Steve shrugged at her.

He and Thor gathered on either side of Craig, who flashed a thumbs up as his girlfriend aimed her phone at them. “Great, thanks,” she said. “Really.” 

“It was no trouble at all,” Thor replied. “I hope you have a lovely afternoon at the top of this rock,” he said. “Though, I do not understand why it is called the rock, Steve - aren’t all of the buildings made out of some form of geological deposit?” Mel smiled at this, and waved as she took Craig by the arm and led him away from them.

“It’s...this is Rockefeller Center,” Steve said. “In Rockefeller Plaza.”

“Ah, I see,” Thor said. “Well, come - let us go to this open air deck. I enjoy the air at high altitudes.” Steve just smiled at that, and they took a set of stairs up to the observation deck.

There, an employee asked to take a picture of them - Steve was about to roll his eyes before he realized that they were doing this for everyone and that he and Thor would be able to buy a print before exiting. “Smile!” she said, and Thor looped an arm around Steve’s waist - and he let himself think, _maybe there’s something to this..._ just as the employee said, “Excellent. You guys are a great couple.” 

“We do make a good pair,” Thor said, and grinned down at Steve. _So, no,_ he corrected himself. Which was fine, really - fraternization was never a good idea, even if SHIELD chose not to prohibit it. Apparently, according to Natasha, if they weren’t allowed to sleep with other employees, as top secret government agents there really weren’t a whole lot of other people available to them. It made the dynamics in the cafeteria a lot easier to understand.

Something about the view made Thor contemplative, and Steve had some pretty good ideas as to what, so he left him where he had his hands on the railing and walked around the observation deck. There weren’t as many people up here as he supposed there normally were - he had seen, just the other day, a commercial promising people it was OK to still come and visit New York City. 

Steve frowned when he noticed that a lot of the people were focusing on their attention where Thor’s was, on the still devastated portions of Midtown - a visible, ugly scar not too far off from where they were and, right in the middle, the mostly rebuild Stark Tower. Well, Avengers Tower, according to Tony, even though there was just the “A” on the building.

“Uhm, I am so, so, sorry,” came a voice, and he turned to see a petite woman with dark hair, a scar across the one side of her face, and dark glasses looking up at him. “But...one of the pages saw a picture, on Twitter, and showed it to us, and I was like, no way! Because, well, nerd much? So, I had to come up and see if it was really you and, ugh...” Steve glanced over in Thor’s direction and made eye contact with the other man. He motioned him over.

“It is,” Steve said. He supposed if he wanted to avoid this sort of thing he shouldn’t be doing this sorts of activities. He held a hand out. “Captain Steve Rogers. And you are-?”

“Tina,” she said, and she turned and made a motion over to a small group of people who were standing near the elevator. “These are some the writers, on our show-”

“Oh, you work here?” he asked, and she nodded.

“We were hoping to get a picture,” she said. “And we promise not to say anything mean about you, or, ugh-”

“Thor,” said Thor. “It is my pleasure to meet you.”

“Wow, you are as big as you look - I mean, tall. Very tall.”

“Yes,” said Thor. “I am.”

“Well, anyway,” she said, as the other writers gathered around her. “We promise not to make fun of you or Thor in our upcoming season.” One of the writers got the picture taking employee to come over.

“What of the rest of the Avengers?” Thor asked.

“You can feel free to make fun of Tony,” Steve replied, and the group laughed. 

“That’s the spirit!” Thor said, and smiled at Steve. Once again, he wrapped an arm around Steve’s waist as the writers gathered around them for the picture. Thor gave a thumbs up when the picture was taken. “Another!” he boomed, and then picked Tina up in his arms, bridal style. Her mouth opened and then closed. “I hope that was not presumptuous,” he said as he put her down.

“Oh, gosh, no,” she said. “I think I just had a nerdgasm, there, and...yeah, I’m going to leave, on that note. Thank you so much!” She said, and some of the other writers echoed that as they headed back towards the stairs. On the way, Tina was stopped by nearly every other person on the observation deck and they began to form a line to get pictures with her.

“It appears,” Thor said, “that she is more famous than we are. Pray, how did she-?” Steve explained that Craig must have posted their picture on the Internet, somehow, from his camera, and that it drew the attention of some page downstairs. “Ah,” said Thor. “Technology.” He shook his head, and Steve nodded. “Well, I have enjoyed the viewing experience-” he cocked his head towards the destruction and shook it, sadly. “Perhaps now would be a good time to slip out? We still need to find some art supplies.” 

Steve nodded, and they rode the elevator down. When they got to the bottom floor Thor insisted on buying the picture of Steve and Thor and then of the group of writers where Thor had picked Tina up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Christian Louboutins - expensive, expensive shoes with signature lipstick red soles.


	3. Chapter 3

The barista at Starbucks pointed them in the direction of an art supply store. Steve’s mouth dropped open when they went inside - he should have imagined, given the glut of cereal options in the average grocery store, that he would have a lot of choices. “Excellent!” Thor said, clapping him on the back. “It is what you wanted, I presume?”

“Ugh, yes,” Steve said. He had a basic set of drawing pencils and some sketchbooks, and now he found himself at a bit of a loss as to what to get. He wandered up and down the aisles, picking up a few items and inspecting them, and then putting them back. 

“Do you need some help? I’m Rose.” He turned, and saw a sales assistant smiling at him. Her auburn hair was arranged in a messy bun on top of her head and there were flecks of paint on the rolled cuffs of her button down shirt.

“Yeah, I would say so,” Steve said. “I’m Steve.” He glanced back and found Thor chatting amiably with another clerk behind the counter. “I’m not really sure where what I should buy. I’ve mostly been sketching with some black and white-”

“Prismacolors,” she said. “What’s your budget like?”

“Ugh...” Steve blushed. “There isn’t one?” 

“Prismacolors,” she repeated, and loaded him down with the largest box of colored pencils he had ever seen. Rose proceeded to pick out sketchbooks for him and then a set of expensive watercolors and a booklet of paper to work with. “Have you used water colors before?”

“Yes,” he said. “Though it’s, ugh, been awhile?” 

“Right,” she said, leaning against one of the shelves. “I teach a watercolor class, once a week on Saturdays...I can get you my card?” 

“Sure,” Steve said. “That would be swell.” She arched an eyebrow at his word choice and then led him to the counter, where she cashed him out and then handed him a flier for her class.

“Look forward to seeing, you. Steve,” she said, and then gave Thor a tight smile when he approached Steve and they left the shop together.

“She seemed to take quite a liking to you, Steve,” Thor said. He was still nursing the mammoth drink he had got at Starbucks, where he had convinced the barista that he really did want all of the syrups.

“Really? I thought - I mean, she probably just wanted me to pay for her class,” Steve replied.

Thor glanced at Steve, and there was something in his look that made Steve shiver, a little - it was almost possessive, though Steve knew it was silly to ascribe that word to Thor’s feelings towards him. “I know that you spent most of your life before your serum,” Thor said, “but surely you had time to...notice how others respond to you, now?” 

Steve looked down, not sure what to say. “I never knew what to do with dames - women. I mean, the chorus girls, they certainly made it clear...and the receptionists, at the SSR office, and...well, I mean, I did have a thing with Peggy, but...I don’t know.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I guess I was always a little afraid that they wanted me for how I looked, not for how - even Peggy, I mean, we knew each other before, but I still remember the way she looked at me, when I came out of that chamber.” 

“Well, I can say this much, Steve - the woman who assisted you did not merely want you to take her painting class.” Steve blushed at this, and Thor gave him a soft smile before tossing his now empty Starbucks cup into a trash can several feet away. 

Then, suddenly, he said, “Steve - behold!” He was using his God of Thunder voice, such that various people on the street turned to look at them. Thor noticed this, and did not finish his thought - he merely pointed to the store on the corner by Central Park. In one of the windows there was a large drawing of the Avengers, during the battle of Manhattan. In another window, it said, Avengers Merchandise Now Available! Meet Iron Man and Captain America!

“I was not aware that you had an engagement a shop,” Thor said. “I would not have insisted-”

“I don’t,” Steve said, and he had to laugh when they got into the store.

Two workers - poor teenagers, no doubt - were jammed into fake, though fairly high quality, Iron Man and Captain America suits. The teenager in the Iron Man suit was having a much better time because...well, he wasn’t nearly as exposed as the fake Captain America. “Is my suit that tight?” Steve whispered to Thor, as they watched children and adults queue for pictures with the teenagers.

“Verily,” Thor said, and a big grin blossomed across his face. “Come! I desire to see this merchandise.” 

They took an escalator up to the second floor of the store where an entire section was devoted to Avengers merchandise. Steve felt a deep blush form across his face - the Captain America trading cards had been one thing. All of this...

“Steve,” Thor whispered, “look - not only do they have small humans dressing up as us, there are also tiny heroic effigies.” He hooked his arm through Steve’s and walked him over to a display of Avenger’s action figures. 

Steve peered down at the Captain America one - it was pretty accurate, as far as he could tell, though he didn’t really like the grim line that the characters lips were set in. He then took the others in. Natasha’s really was not appropriate for children, though he couldn’t fault the creators for that, since it was true to life, Clint was wearing dark sunglasses and had a detachable bow and quiver, the Iron Man suit was rendered quite well. The Hulk was a bit problematic - it was the same size as the rest of the figures, rather than scaled.

Thor had picked up the Thor figurine on display and was pulling the small Mjolnir out of its hands. He held the tiny hammer in his hand and did not appear amused. “This gives the false impression that anyone can handle my hammer,” he said, and Steve widened his eyes, having spent last night watching Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-long Blog with Bruce, who he was pretty sure did actually employ a giant bag of weed as part of his relaxation regime. Which was fine with Steve - whatever worked for the guy, really. He deserved it.

“Yes, I suppose so,” Steve said. He picked up the tiny Captain America, feeling foolish. “But, look - my shield is made out of plastic. I don’t think they’re supposed to be...super realistic? They’re for kids to play with.” 

“Play?” Thor asked, and glanced around the table. Steve was relieved - there didn’t seem to be any matching villain sets. Understandably. It would probably be hard to reproduce those space slugs at cost. “Ah, as a girl might play house with a doll - young warriors in this realm would use these to recreate battles?”

“Yes,” Steve said. “We generally, ugh, don’t have a lot of opportunities for young warriors to go on quests and the like-” Thor nodded, accepting this, and moved onto the rest of the items.

He scoffed, again, at a childsize Mjolnir and its matching Captain America shield and Nerf Hawkeye archer’s set. Then he laughed. “Steve, put these on,” he said, and handed Steve a pair of large green hands. 

“I’m not sure if-” Steve began, but Thor narrowed his eyes slightly, so Steve put on a pair of Hulk hands. Thor held up the Captain America shield and grinned at him.

“Smash!” he said, and Steve complied, acutely aware that there were several children watching them with great interest. Thor laughed as Steve lightly jabbed the hands at the shield. “More!” he said, and Steve realized that it had probably been a bad idea to let him get a quadruple espresso drink - Thor had made it clear they didn’t have coffee on Asgard. 

Thankfully, his attention was grabbed by something else, and he put the shield down before they drew a real crowd and headed over to the Avenger’s clothing items display. “Steve, make sure to a grab a pair of those hands for Bruce!” Steve closed his eyes for a moment, picked up a box, then headed over. 

“My image is on a t-shirt,” Thor whispered, showing Steve the shirt. Thor was depicted in all of his glory, hammer raised to the sky and lighting crackling out of it. On the Captain America t-shirt, Steve was throwing his shield. “What are these?” Thor asked, and Steve sighed.

“Underwear,” he said. “Undergarments?” The Thor boxers and boxer briefs were covered in lighting and hammers, while the Captain America ones featured his shield. 

“Ah,” Thor said. “I hope that they are sized to fit us - we must all wear the appropriate emblems.” He began to dig through the rack, and Steve wondered if Thor was serious about this or if Loki had rubbed off on him, a little, and the thunder god had the capacity to joke with them. Before he could ponder this further, Thor began to stack the various underwear in Steve’s arms, on top of the Hulk hands. 

As they headed towards the check-out, Thor cocked his head. “Why is there no effigy of the Son of Coul?” 

“Oh,” Steve said. “Well, SHIELD is...they’re a secret organization. I don’t think people knew about him. We were all over the television.” 

Thor stopped and frowned. “He was integral to our success that day,” he said. 

“I know,” Steve replied, and made a mental note that he needed to go and visit Phil tomorrow - he was still in intensive care, but he Clint and Natasha said he was having more and more time that he was awake and lucid. Steve had already watched him while he slept, so they were even on that.

Thor made a huffing sound, and they went down the escalator. Steve was beginning to get tired, and was relieved when they headed for the cash register - but then there were detoured by the candy shop, where Thor was entranced with the giant sized candy bars and sweets available. “We must have as many of these as possible,” Thor said, and he pilled them into Steve’s arms along with the underpants. “I am a huge fan of the confections of your realm.” 

One of the store clerks cocked his head at them, and Steve just shook his head, hoping to convey, I don’t know, he’s my crazy brother, what are you going to do? After Thor had picked two of each giant sized candy bar, they cashed out and then headed home without further incident. 

* * *

“So...” Tony said, as the elevator opened. “I see you two went shopping.”

The remaining Avengers were gathered in the living room where the delivery from Saks sat in the middle of the floor.

“Aye,” Thor said, settling some of the packages down. “I believe you said - and do correct me if I am wrong, Steve - that we should go wild were we able to figure out how your silver plastic money implement worked.” Steve nodded, setting the rest of their packages down.

Tony appeared to be a unique combination of amused and annoyed. “So I see that you were successful.”

“There were many items we found to be necessary,” Thor indicated. “We have also purchased gifts for all of you!”

“Oh! I love presents,” Clint said, and sat down on the couch. Natasha shrugged her shoulders and sat down next to him.

“That’s very thoughtful,” Bruce said, taking a chair. “Right, Tony?”

“Yes, well...” Tony said, and Thor began rummaging through the bags.

“We are the subject of many a craftsman’s muse, around your town,” Thor said, and Steve recognized a slight change in his speaking patterns - much less colloquial than the way he had spoken to Steve, and he decided, yes, the joke was on them. “For example, the sculptors of foam have been inspired by Bruce.”

He handed Bruce the box containing the large foam Hulk hands. On it, there was a picture of the hulk and the words _smash!_ written across the top. “Well,” Bruce said, and opened the box as Thor looked on, nodding. He put one of the hands on and looked at it, grimacing in the way that only he managed - and then he promptly hit Tony in the head with it.

“Ow!” Tony said.

“It said - smash!” Bruce indicated. Tony lept at him, trying to get the other Hulk hand, but Bruce tossed it to Thor, who held it above his head.

“Not fair!” Tony said. “I mean, technically, they are mine-”

“And, for each of you,” Thor said, “we found specially tailored undergarments.” Natasha quirked an eyebrow at this, and easily caught the Black Widow pair of underwear that was thrown at her. They had a gun and spider on the ass. Tony immediately turned his attention to these, and Thor threw the Hulk hand back at Bruce, who caught it and grinned. Steve was relieved to see he was able to joke about things - a little.

“Huh,” she said. 

“Aw, see, the Iron Man ones are so much better,” Clint said. “They have little Iron Mans on them.”

“I know,” Bruce said. “Mine are just green. And say smash! in a really inappropriate place.” He frowned. 

“Also, the artisans at the Saks of Fifth Avenue made little implements to decorate our suits with,” Thor said, and he tossed the appropriate boxes of cufflinks to each of them.

“See, these? These? I can get behind,” Tony said, poking into the box and smiling slightly.

“I don’t think I have a suit that needs cufflinks,” Clint said.

“Well, next time these two go out on the town, you should tag along-” Tony began, before Thor interrupted.

“Alas, Lady Widow, as women do not have such suits, there were none inspired by your prowess. We called the Lady Pepper and she recommended an alternate gift.” Thor handed her the box of shoes, which had been wrapped.

“Hey,” Clint said. “How come Natasha is the only one who gets wrapping paper?”

“The clerk was sort of insistent,” Steve said, feeling embarrassed - he was Captain America, and he couldn’t talk a store clerk down from wrapping a pair of shoes? 

“Ooh,” Natasha said, opening the lid. She reached a hand in and stroked - Thor had chosen a high, pointed toe pair of black suede shoes. “My precious,” she said.

“You bought Natasha Louboutins?” Tony asked, as Natasha raised the shoe and Clint pursed his lips and gave them an approving nod. “You got us cufflinks-”

“And undergarments,” Steve couldn’t help but add.

“And she got Louboutins?” 

Thor shrugged. “There is one last item for you, Tony, as a thank you for allowing us the use of your plastic money implement.” He passed Tony the plain white box from the bakery that had been wrapped in an elegant ribbon. “Be careful. It is fragile.”

Tony grinned. Steve almost felt bad as pulled the ribbon back easily and opened the box. He hoped that JARVIS caught Tony’s expression - it wasn’t everyday that Tony’s mouth went slack like that as he raised and knitted his eyebrows together in deep, horrified concern.

“What is it?” Clint asked, and he, Natasha, and Bruce - wearing the Hulk hands - jumped up to look. They all burst out laughing. 

Thor had chosen the cake with the abnormally large genitalia, and it truly was a marvel - the penis, itself, was intricate and leaking slightly, the abdominals had been sculpted, along with the pecs, the nipples were reportedly a very luxurious type of chocolate. “The woman at the bakery informed me that the testes are filled with a delicious white cream.” 

Clint and Bruce both looked like they were going to be overcome as they continued laughing, while Tony was twisting his mouth, looking from Thor to Steve to Thor to Steve. “The cake is really good,” Steve said. “We each had two breast cupcakes and they were delicious.”

“Well,” Bruce said. “I guess that takes care of dessert.” 

"We also traveled to the Top of the Rock," Thor said, reaching for another bag. "It was somewhat of a solemn experience, to see the destruction the battle and my brother wrought on the city." 

"Wait, are we really going to have a serious moment after this?" Tony asked, gesturing at the cake.

Thor narrowed his eyes at him. "Here is a photo of Steve and I, observing the view," he said, and the other Avengers looked at it. Only Bruce smiled at them. "And here is a picture of us with some of the building's inhabitants - they recognized us and wished to meet us, and thank us." Thor passed the group photo.

"Holy shit!" Clint said.

At the same time, Tony said, "Seriously? Fuck."

"What?" Steve asked.

"You picked up Tina Fey," Clint said, looking at Thor. "You met Tina Fey."

"Yes," Thor said, "She did indicate her name was Tina. She was a bit embarrassed, but said that since we had allowed our image to be captured she would not mock Steve or myself in her show. We gave her permission to mock you, however, Tony." Steve glanced at Thor, noting the use of we

Tony looked up at them with an expression similar to the one when he had been presented with the erotic cake. "I can't believe..." 

"It was," Thor said, clapping Steve on the back, "a most excellent day!"


	4. Chapter 4

True to the clerk’s word, the testes of the erotic cake did have delicious white creamy filling. “We are using them for all of our erotic cake needs from now on,” Clint said, grinning. “Who’s going to eat the head?”

“You should try some of this, Steve,” Thor said, handing Steve a forkful of teste and cream. Steve met his eyes, certain, after the day they had spent together, he wasn’t making fun of him - so what, then? Or was it just Thor being Thor, the guy who picked celebrities up like virgin brides?

Steve accepted the fork and ate it. “Oh, that is good,” he said.

“You have some on your lip,” Thor replied, and before Steve could do anything, brushed at the cream with his thumb. Thor glanced at it, for a moment, and then put his thumb in his mouth and sucked. He twisted his thumb as he did it and then released it with a light pop. 

Steve watched, the entire time. “Ugh, thanks?”

“Have another!” Thor said. 

“The chocolate nipple is really nice,” Bruce added, as Thor speared Steve another forkful. 

“Yeah, apparently it’s Belgian?” Steve replied, and Bruce nodded at him as Steve ate his second bit of cake. 

They took the rest of the cake into the main living room, and set it down on the coffee table before bickering over what movie to watch - and then, when no consensus could be reached amongst those who were not Steve and Thor, there was an epic round of rock paper scissors to determine the victor. “Excellent,” Natasha murmured, using her best villain infliction.

“It occurs to me that your spy skills might have given you an advantage-” Tony began, and Bruce shook his head at him.

“That just occurred to you?” he asked. Tony pouted. “Have some more penis, Tony,” Bruce said, and grinned at the other man.

“I’m in the mood for something light...” Natasha said.

“Please tell me you’re not going to be a girl about it and make me see a romantic comedy-” Tony began.

“Oh, so not fair-” Clint began, but Natasha elbowed him slightly and gave him a sly grin. 

“I have _excellent_ taste in movies,” Natasha said. “We’re going to watch _Love Actually._ ” Tony relaxed his pout, indicating that this was possibly acceptable to him. 

The movie was pretty good - though some of the plot lines were relatively melancholy, and as usual for any movie night, some had emotional resonance. “Agh - this always get me! Have sex with the hot man! Your brother is still going to be crazy when you’re done!” Clint shouted.

Steve glanced over at Thor, who looked down. Not really thinking, Steve reached over and clasped Thor’s knee and then met his eyes. Thor nodded at him, and smiled slightly. 

When the movie ended, Thor stretched and then paused at the top of the it before completing it, bringing his arms down and standing. “Well, now that we have eaten the entirety of the erotic cake and watched a movie, I believe it is time to retire.” He nodded at all of them, and then drifted off. The others took the cue as well, and Steve found himself seated on the couch by himself, acutely aware of the fact that he might have missed something.

He headed for the kitchen to get a soda, but stopped when he heard Clint and Natasha talking. “Cheating!” Clint said.

“I won rock paper scissors fair and square. We never added that contingency,” Natasha said. “I don’t know what you want. I played within parameters - and besides, you said nudges were acceptable.” 

“I really doubt nudges will work if Thor sucking his thumb like that didn’t work.” 

_Shit,_ Steve thought. He always did this - Thor was right, when they had talked after the art store. He still couldn’t conceive of anyone being attracted to him, he had spent so long accepting the fact that no one would be. It was hard to let it go, maybe because he had accepted the other changes - understood, during the war, that his body really performed the way it did. 

He took the stairs to get to the floor that Thor shared with Bruce and knocked on the door to the apartment. “Yes? Who is knocking?” Thor called.

“Steve,” he replied. “I, ugh...I’m pretty dense. I’m sorry.” 

The door opened, and Steve inhaled sharply. Thor was wearing the hoodie and a pair of his new boxer briefs. Steve never really had the opportunity to appreciate Thor’s legs, the long, thick muscles of his thighs and leading to- “Uhm.” Steve said.

“Steve. Please come in,” Thor said, and he smiled, likely in the direction of the security camera in the hallway, and then closed the door. He smiled down at Steve, and they were standing a little closer than one normally did when one was just a friend. “I had hoped I was behaving in an obvious fashion, despite not knowing much about your courting rituals.” 

“Yeah. Well. You know, like you mentioned earlier - I guess I just don’t think-”

“I would like to remedy that, if you would let me,” Thor said, and he reached forward and put a hand on Steve’s shoulder and squeezed.

“Yes,” Steve said, voice soft. Thor had closed the difference between them, pulling Steve closer with his hand. He had a good smile, Steve decided, warm and inviting. 

Steve tilted his head and made the first move, pressing his lips to Thor’s and smiling slightly before he began to work against him. Thor moved his hand from Steve’s shoulder down to his waist and pulled him quite close, and Steve liked the feel of Thor’s strength against him. Since the serum, he had always been so afraid of hurting someone he was, perhaps, overly careful.

Thor opened his mouth and Steve followed, tangling their tongues together and guiding Steve so that his back was against the wall. Steve arched his hips into Thor’s and worked back against him, causing the other man to pause and gasp into his mouth. “Steve...” 

“Mmm?” Steve asked, and he nuzzled into Thor’s neck - there was a certain electric smell to him, and also something like fresh pine and rain. 

“I do not wish to presume-” Thor began, and Steve knew where this was going - after Tony had run out of various ways to compare him to frozen food products and things that were old, he had decided to play with his personal knowledge of Steve’s inexperience. Steve had tried his best not to blush and confirm what Tony alluded to, but had failed miserably.

“I want...” he nearly said _all the sex_ but managed to hold it back, “Everything.”

“Then you shall have it,” Thor replied, and trailed the hand from Steve’s hip down his thigh and then up again, settling in at his waist. “I suggest we move to the bedroom?” Steve appreciated that they weren’t going to have a discussion about this - it wasn’t like he was sixteen. He knew what he wanted. He had just made the - perhaps now, arguably, imprudent - decision to wait.

“Great plan,” Steve confirmed, and he followed Thor. Steve frowned at the lack of any personal touch - there was just the same massive size bed Tony had provided for all of them, bedding, and a side table with a lamp. Steve stopped analyzing this, though, when Thor pressed him down onto the bed. 

“You have far too many clothes on,” Thor said, and he tugged at the sweatshirt Steve had changed into after their shopping trip and then frowned when he found the t-shirt underneath. “This number of layers is inconvenient,” he said. 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Steve replied, now topless, and he reached forward and tugged the zipper down the hoodie. Thor grinned and shrugged it off. 

“There are so many wondrous things about this garment,” he said, as it puddled on the floor. Steve grinned at him, lifted his legs, and pulled Thor down onto the bed, on top of him. “Well, then, Steven...” Thor murmured, and kissed him hard. Steve moaned into it, something in the use of full name making him shiver.

As they settled into a more comfortable position on the bed, Thor rolled so that Steve was on top. He promptly slid his pants off and immediately put a hand to Steve’s erection. 

“That’s...oh...” Steve said, as Thor moved his hand up and down and then squeezed. When Thor pulled his hand away and settled it on the side of Steve’s hip, Steve took the opportunity to grind down and against Thor’s own erection. 

His experience, with other men, was limited to kisses and hand jobs in alleys outside of dance halls after he had made eye contact with other men lingering along the wall. He primarily relied on the cues that Thor was feeding him, and on thinking about what he would want and what he thought would feel good. 

Thor gripped him, hard, and were he of normal abilities the bruises would have stayed for a day or so. “Oh, fuck, that’s so good...” Steve said. 

“Yes?” Thor asked, and he reached a hand up and pressed it on Steve’s chest. He trailed his hand down Steve’s abdomen, using a finger to outline the delineation of his muscles. “I wish to cover every inch of you.” 

“I...I would like that,” Steve managed.

Thor grinned at him. “Not tonight, perhaps,” he said. He flicked his own hips up into Steve’s and then tugged at the boxer briefs Steve had changed into - he made a mental note that he was going to have to thank Thor for the recommendation, later. 

For a moment, Steve felt exposed and unsure - but then Thor’s hand was back on his erection, palming it. Thor guided him down to the mattress and reached forward to grab lubrication from his bedside table. Before he settled back down, Steve tugged Thor’s underwear off and stared for a long moment at Thor’s erection. 

“Fuck,” he said, finally.

“In time,” Thor replied, and smiled and laughed. He laid himself down on his side and beckoned for Steve to follow him. He touched Steve’s side, almost lazily, and Steve moved forward so he could kiss him. 

Thor’s kiss was earnest, hard, and Steve pressed himself closer to the other man and groaned into the kiss as their two cocks touched one another. Steve palmed his ass, squeezing, and Thor moaned.

Thor placed a lubricated hand on Steve’s cock, and moved it up and down, slowly, somehow in rhythm with the kiss. His top finger stroked over the top of the head and lingered along the ridge. “Oh, god, Thor...” 

Thor began to kiss down him, sucking along his neck, his collar bone, and then on his nipple. “Thor!” Steve said, not used to the sensation - and he moaned as Steve scrapped his teeth against the nipple and then moved to the other. “Oh, goddamn, that is...”

“Yes?” Thor asked, and kissed down Steve’s abdomen until he came to his cock. “Yes?” And this time, Steve knew this was a question - which seemed stupid, to him, since-

“Yes!” he said. Thor licked a strip up his cock and then around the head, and Steve shivered. Thor pressed a hand to his lower stomach and then moved to his hip, gripping him hard. “Thor, that’s so-”

Thor had just the head in his mouth, and he was working his way slowly - painfully slow - down Steve’s cock. Steve began to grip at the sheets, not sure what else to do as Thor teased with his tongue and lips. When he had all of Steve inside of him, he moved up at the same laborious pace. “Tease-” Steve said, and Thor chuckled against him and Steve moaned at the vibrations.

Thor increased the pace, though he often detoured to minister to just the head. At some point, he put a thumb behind Steve’s balls and rubbed, gently. “Thor, I really need - I’m going to-”

Thor lifted his head off. “Steven - I would very much like to be inside you, if-” Steve met’s Thor’s eyes. The other man was still massaging his prostate, and Steve nodded, biting at his lower lip. He had given a little thought to the issue as he walked from the kitchen to Thor’s door, and he wanted - well, _all the sex._ And it seemed, for the first time, that it was good to trust someone with more experience.

Thor nodded, and used the hand on Steve’s hips to cant them upwards. He trailed his thumb back from where it was and circled against the opening. Then he moved the thumb away and put a finger in its place. Steve moaned at the sensation, slightly surprised that just that touch would feel so good. 

Thor pressed inwards, slowly, and Steve pressed against the sensation. “You feel wonderful, Steve, trust me,” Thor said, and he kissed Steve’s cock and moved his finger in further. Steve settled against the foreign sensation and met Thor’s eyes. He was smiling, and that was enough to relax Steve. “There...” Thor said.

“Oh,” Steve said. “Oh, that feels - oh, fuck! Thor! That’s - oh, that’s good...” he moaned, as Thor grazed against his prostate over and over. 

They continued slowly, from there, Thor stopping occasionally to use his tongue and mouth on Steve’s cock. Soon he had three fingers in him, stretching and tugging - and Steve found himself thinking _more._ “Now,” he said. “Now, Thor, I want this-”

Thor removed himself from between Steve’s legs, and Steve instantly grabbed his arm and pulled him down so that Thor was on top of them. Their cocks were aligned and Steve took the opportunity to grind his hips up against Thor and then took both their cocks in their hands. “Steven! That is - that is so good.” 

Steve took the cue and let go, and Thor pulled himself upwards. He used his hand to guide Steve’s legs up to his shoulders, and then lined him up. “I wish you to let me know-”

“Of course,” Steve said, and returned Thor’s smile. “I trust you.” 

The first, short push caused him to groan, but then Thor began to thrust inwards - he pulled in, and out, moving small increments each time. Steve gripped the sheets tighter and held Thor’s eyes. The sensation went from painful to strange to awkward to full, and then, as Thor was perhaps half in him, good. _This is...different,_ he managed, and he closed his eyes and inhaled and allowed himself to experience the sense of fullness, of Thor moving in and out of him, of the pleasure that was coming from how Thor was touching him.

And then it was better than good, and as Thor’s cock moved against his prostate Steve moaned to let him know. There was the beginning of things, the first hint of the orgasm to come, and Steve allowed himself to fixate on that sensation and hold it. 

“Steve - yes,” Thor said, and slipped further in before stopping and then slowly pulling out. Thor leaned a little further in towards him and Steve instantly rocked against him. “Oh, Steve...” 

They settled into each other, slowly finding a slow rhythm that Steve found pleasurable - but soon he realized it was less than what he needed. “I want - Thor, more...” he said, voice soft, and Thor nodded. He increased his pace and somehow managed to plunge in deeper, and Steve moaned.

“You feel wonderful, Steve,” Thor murmured, and he leaned down further so their foreheads touched one another.

As he pulled back out, suddenly Steve experienced the full hit to his prostate that Thor’s fingers and cock had only hinted at before. “Holy fuck!” he groaned, and his hips canted upwards again.

“That - more of that,” Thor urged, and he grazed his lips against Steve’s.

They worked in tandem, then, Thor pressing in and out of Steve as he arched his hips into the stroke. He felt pressure and heat build in his lower belly, and he found himself moaning at each stroke and biting at his lower lip as the orgasm began to build. 

Soon, Thor’s hand was on his cock, and Steve squeezed his eyes because he knew that he was close. Thor pushed, hard, and hit him full on, and Steve found himself suddenly orgasming, throbbing, the second or third pulse containing the largest burst of relief and pleasure. “Beautiful, Steve,” Thor said, and Steve let his head full to the side as Thor continued until he came, soon after.

They met each other’s eyes again, and Thor grinned down at Steve - it was hard not to go along with his energy. Thor leaned down and kissed him lightly again, then pulled out and flopped down next to Steve.

Steve brushed some of his hair, now unruly, out of his face. Thor closed his eyes and Steve continued to work his fingers through the thick blonde hair. “That’s so lovely,” Thor said, and he turned and kissed Steve on the mouth. 

“Thor - that was...that was incredible,” Steve said.

“I am glad,” Thor said. “It was for me, as well. It would seem we are quite compatible.” He gave him a slow, almost sly smile, and for some reason all Steve could think of was the erotic cake from earlier. How, exactly, had he been that dense? “Would you accompany me to the shower?” he asked. 

“That sounds good,” Steve said, and Thor stood and offered him his hand. Steve took it and allowed Thor to pull him up, and for a moment they stood and looked at one another. 

“I would also like for you to stay, this evening,” Thor said, and kissed Steve on the forehead - a gesture Steve found surprisingly endearing. 

“I would really like that,” Steve said, and placed a hand on Thor’s hip and squeezed. 

“Now,” Thor said, “It has been an excellent day.”

**Author's Note:**

> For the following Avengers Kink Meme prompt:  
>  _Everybody in SHIELD keeps using the kid gloves around Steve regarding the modern world, and it's starting to get on his nerves because he can't function like a normal human being. Unfortunately, the kind of technology everyone expects him to use to catch himself up is just not his speed, and the rest of the team can't give him the one-on-one attention he needs because they have real jobs. And so Steve is stuck in Faux Vintage Hell, because it's really a bit frightening to try to navigate the goddamn ''future'' by yourself._
> 
>  
> 
> _Enter Thor, who loves Midgard and everything about it, and would be happy to accompany Steve on a trip through New York because he'd like to see more of it himself and have a chance to get to know Steve better._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _TL;DR Intelligent!Fearless!Thor and Uncomfortable!Steve have a Displaced Bros adventure in the city. Slash appreciated, but optional._
> 
>  
> 
> _Bonus points include:_
> 
>  
> 
> _: Tony gives them his credit card and tells them they can do whatever they want with it, if they can figure out how to use it._
> 
>  
> 
> _: They encounter modern clothing: Thor discovers the hoodie and his life is forever changed; Steve is delighted to see they still make Chuck Taylors (and maybe buys some); they both agree that Crocs are a blemish on the face of humanity. Extra credit if they dare each other to try on or buy something embarrassing or weird._
> 
>  
> 
> _: Thor and Steve have a meaningful conversation about their respective approaches to personal authority (Captain versus Royalty)_
> 
>  
> 
> _: They encounter geek culture; Thor refers to action figures as "Heroic Effigies", one or both of them buys a collection of Avengers toys. (Extra bonus points for Thor demanding to know why there is no Son of Coul effigy on display)_
> 
>  
> 
> _: Erotic cakes._
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>  
> 
> _: Someone tries to mug them; Steve finds this a great time to introduce Thor to the concept of the atomic wedgie._
> 
>  
> 
> _: They visit central park, and play a sport that they both suck at despite being very athletic._


End file.
